Cleansing Rain

I know I have said this a number of times in blogs lately but the last 2+years have been hard on a level that one day I am sure I will share in hopes to help other people through their hard. Yesterday was a day of intentional healing for me; I have never been great at showing people, even especially Ian, where I am at emotionally. I think I have begun to uncover why but the point is I often felt as though if I was truly honest I would hurt him or worse he would choose to leave to escape the pain of me. This belief lead me to stuff my feelings through just about every intense life event both painful and joyous. I wouldn’t allow my emotions to spill over on him until I was losing my ever-loving mind and then I would as quickly as possible gather myself and push on like nothing was wrong. This weekend I shared with Ian areas where I had hidden and not expressed my need of his strength. He was gracious to me as he wrapped his arms around me and told me all of the things my heart had been so desperately longing for. I cried. He took the boys so I could have time.

As I sat there on the floor in my bedroom I began to write out a linear timeline of the last two years. Things I had not wanted to officially put on paper because if I did there was a record of it, the memories I have so hoped would one day leave that I knew wouldn’t would be forever in my leather-bound journal for generations to come to read. You know what, there was a release in that action. There was a connection in my heart in a new way that those things happened; I am still here, living, breathing and learning to thrive.

Shortly after I had finished writing clouds that had been building and billowing all day finally released all they had been holding on to. There was no lightning or thunder just an abrupt, sustaining downpour. As it continued I knew what I had to do. I was home alone to have time to relax and the next thing I knew I was running outside to play. It was as if the rain came to wash away the emotions I had been carrying, cleansing my soul of the pain.

I sent this to Ian and asked him to come home and play:

Cleansing Rain

So he did!

Worth It // Cleansing Rain

When the rain comes, choose to play. Life will always be messy, pain is inevitable but when you are in the thick of it don’t let it take your spark, always, always play.

 

Birthdays – Choosing to See the Gifts

Birthdays, like new years, I kind of love them. There is something about a trip around the sun that makes me reflective and grateful. Two years ago my birthday had a bomb dropped on it and last year I spent trying to forget the pain of the year before but this year, this year I am choosing to see differently. Part of me wants to avoid this year in hopes to not carry over the pain of the last two years but ultimately I am expectant of year 28 in a new and fresh way. I am believing this birthday will be one of redemption and new life.

Romans 8:28Back in 2009 I would often turn to Romans 8:28 which says, “We know that all things work together for good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.” This verse has been popping up in my mind more and more the last few weeks and I don’t think it is by chance but instead a promise over my 28th year. The greatest gift giver is going to exchange the ashes of the last couple of years and make it beautiful. He is going to take the fire I have faced to purify and refine me. He won’t leave me alone in the midst of it all.

Life is messy, painful and sometimes downright cruel. It is easy to become consumed by those painful things and not see all of the beauty in a life with God. Things like my oldest wishing me a happy birthday while snuggling up next to me first thing in the morning. Throughout the Bible there are promises not for an easy life but of a fulfilling one, one marked with His goodness and love. If you take the time to look around you, you will without a doubt see His extravagance. For me His love is sometimes the color of the sunset, the random item on sell or my boys telling me a story. Life in and of itself is a gift.

For my birthday I am choosing to look at my life, where I am, albeit messy and painful at times as a gift. My boys, my husband, my life as the greatest gift I could ever have dreamt up. No, things are not perfect and I could probably paint a picture that would garner me great sympathy but if I truly believe what I have confessed all these years about the Christian life, about marriage then I need to change my perspective and see life as a gift, one created to glorify the Creator.

***Awesome Coincidental Gift***

Every year my great-aunt Trudy sends me a birthday card, it arrives like clock work each year almost always the day before my birthday so I can open it the morning of. I don’t remember ever not getting a card. Cards come adorn with stickers and bunches of x’s and o’s on the inside. Well this year it came with a sticker verse but not just any verse….Birthday CardRomans 8:28

I just about wept when I saw the sticker on the back. Nothing like a sweet kiss to confirm what I had already been feeling like was the promise over me this year. God is in the details, He cares about the little things, He loves you.

Here’s to my 28th year!

Adventures

The last couple weeks have been emotional. I started writing a post yesterday morning somewhat diving into where I have been lately  but didn’t have the opportunity to complete my thoughts and in the desire to continue regular posting I am going to throw our adventures from today out there. 

My desire for adventures has always been a part of my motherhood vision but with four sons five and under it’s not always been feasible. The boys although usually seen as these awesome little dudes when we are out from time to time would lose their ever loving minds when it was time to go and I honestly shut down from wanting to leave our house. Well today started with a play date at the park and ended with an adventure with Abba at Grapevine Lake. 

The park was incredible! The boys listened. Played. Got in the car when it was time to go with little protest. I literally was bragging to people at how awesome they did when it was time to go. Seriously a dream. Loved it so much we are going back in the morning. ​​

​(Sadly I only took videos at the park and they won’t upload from my phone 😢)

When we got home we played and cleaned as we waited for Ian to get home so part two of adventure day could commence. Like I said the last couple of weeks *cough years cough* have been rough and I thought we needed something fun to refresh and rejuvenate as a family. Grapevine Lake fit the bill for today if you need a place to skip rocks, explore and see airplanes coming in for a landing look no further! I love seeing the world through the eyes of my boys, such amazement from the littlest of things. May we never lose the wonder of a child. Here are some snapshots from our time at the lake. 

So we are going to ignore the fact that it is blatantly obvious who the photographer is in the family, although I am super proud of the one of Zee walking on the trail. 

Anyways, this was precisely what the doctor ordered, sometimes when life gets tough you need to get outside and have some good old fashion FUN!

How have you found adventure and fun in your life lately? Or have you stopped looking at the world with wonder? Go and explore the world God entrusted us with, you won’t regret it.