Strengthening Unexpected

Life comes in seasons, there are ebbs and flows, some are short while others seem to drag on forever. When you find yourself in a season where you quite literally feel like you are being torn apart by the rip tide of life you have to pull from an inner strength often times we are unaware that you even have. When one is a follower of Christ it is their duty as a disciple to continuously strengthen their inner man so when they are caught in a metaphorical rip tide they can not only survive but they can draw on an inner strength that attracts the world around them to their source. It is a beautiful thing when you watch a believer radiate Christ in the midst of affliction.

The last two years have been brutal for me personally and when I have been in the heart of the storm I have often felt as though I am incapable, worthless, weak and to be perfectly honest that I was not going to make it out alive. Thankfully in my journey with Christ I have unexpectedly strengthened myself. Through years of devouring scripture and walking with Truth I have built a firm foundation to fall back on. When the world (and even myself) screams at me that I can’t Truth declares that He is the great exchanger giving beauty for ashes, strength for weakness and life for death. I look back at things I wrote in the depths of the pain and I see how my years of discipleship had instinctively kicked in. If you had asked me in that season if I was strong or if I had been pressing into God I would have laughed but I think I was drawing on Him more than I realized.

I am grateful for the Word of God and how it has impacted my life. For the next few weeks I am going to start unpacking different aspects of my training through scripture and life that has brought me strength in some of the darkest of times. I pray that it will bring you hope and remind you where your true source of life comes from. Please join me as I begin to share, I would love for this to be a launching point of further discussion and personal growth for both of us.

SIDE NOTE: These four guys are my biggest motivators in life. They are why I am actively seeking out intentionality. What or who motivates you?

My Reasons for Strengthening

Motherhood Being Intentional to Conquer

Since becoming a mom I have been desperate to figure out how to conquer motherhood. I don’t want to be a sub par mediocre mom I want to be the mom who has it all together, the pretty, well-kept house, delectable homemade dinners, consistency, obedient children who I read to often and days filled with exploration, crafts and playtime. I want it all. I have read countless blogs, listened to podcasts and spent hours on Pinterest planning out how I am going to make this dream a reality. Yet my house is often in shambles, laundry is never fully finished and dinner dishes are often left for longer than I would like to admit. In more than one blog I have read for young mom’s on how to set your day up for success they say to get dressed in the morning down to your shoes. It sounds silly but when you are doing nothing but staying home with a house full of little people the thought of putting on clothes and adding to your laundry pile seems ridiculous. Lately I have decided I need to try harder to live my days with intentionality, I even put on shoes a few days and you know what they have a point. I am way less likely to plop down on my bed or the couch and just sit when I have shoes on they keep me moving. It is amazing how staying productive and active builds momentum and you want to keep going.

When I was actively trying out intentionality the week turned out to be slightly crazy, I mean what week isn’t with 4 kids 5 and under but this week we added sickness on top of everything. I had back to back days one of which I got to the end of and I wanted to scream and cry and then the other I felt accomplished and proud the funny thing is the day I felt great was the day that my circumstances were even more bleak. I wrote in my journal that day:

“Oh today has been interesting but I feel like a decorated warrior, sure my badges of honor may be breast milk and vomit but I defeated today and that’s what counts. Yesterday was not even close to the level of chaos and hiccups, as today was yet I felt defeated nearly the whole day through. Some how in the midst of sick kids, frustrating phone calls and loads of laundry I felt victorious, it might be because I handled each thing valiantly and was well, productive.”

There is something about productivity that just makes you feel good. I hear people talk about how they slept in and watched Netflix all day and they feel as thought they are exhausted. We were not created to be stagnant but instead to take on each day with purpose. The Proverbs are filled with wisdom about laziness and the wise man.

Verses Like…

Proverbs 20:13 If you love sleep, you will end in poverty. Keep your eyes open, and there will be plenty to eat!

Proverbs 20:4 The slacker does not plow during planting season; at harvest time he looks, and there is nothing.

Proverbs 12:24 Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave.

Proverbs 13:4 The appetite of the sluggard craves but gets nothing, but the desire of the diligent will be abundantly satisfied.

I desperately long to be counted among the wise and even more so I want to raise my boys into wise young men. Because of this desire I will choose to be intentional and not allow life to just pass me by. I will lead by example and I will choose to strive for a spotless house in hopes to have a decently kept house (lets be real). I will work diligently so I may be abundantly satisfied.

And sometimes intentional motherhood looks like getting dressed up as pirates to go get free donuts from Krispy KremeIntentional Pirates

How are you being intentional in your life?

I Wanna Be Sedated

Do you ever have those mom days where you feel like you are losing your ever loving mind? Noise, touch, movement is causing you an increasing amount of anxiety and you just want to go and sit in a silent space but of course that is not really an option because when you are the mom and you have to make sure everyone is safe (blah blah blah). Well that is where I was at the other day and where I very may well be tomorrow.

Being in the perpetual cycle of little people I sometimes feel like my life has gotten caught in a perpetual loop, that I have been trapped in a revolving door and everyone has decided to pile in the opening I am in. There are days when the cycle is full of laughter and fun as we make a game out of life but there are times when I desperately want to rock back and forth in the fetal position and hum quietly to myself. I have not always been mindful of where I am emotionally but that is something I have been working diligently on. Just before having my fourth son I was finishing up a study with a group of ladies that has begun the process of opening my eyes to emotional self-awareness and after years of apparently numbing I am learning to recognize in the moment where I am emotionally. There are days I will use what I have learned course correct my emotional state instead of stew. The other day when I wanted to scream because a little hand touched me one too many times I decided that putting on music would be a better option than losing my mind. Instead of going to my typical choice of Bethel Music I went to a high school classic for me, The Ramones. “I Wanna Be Sedated” seemed like the perfect thing to belt out in that moment:

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go

I want to be sedated

Nothing to do, no where to go, oh

I want to be sedated

 

Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane

I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my brain

Oh no oh oh oh oh

 

Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane

I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my brain

Oh no oh oh oh oh

 

Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go loco

I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my toes

Oh no oh oh oh oh

 

Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go loco

I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my toes

Oh no oh oh oh oh

 

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I want to be sedated

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I want to be sedated

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I want to be sedated

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I want to be sedated

 

The song was a transporting device for me, to a different place and time in my life. Ironically The Ramones were a band I rocked out to when life was rough for me 10-12 years ago and I was happy to find out they still had the same euphoric effect. Within moments of turning on the song it was as if a weight had lifted off my shoulders and I was dancing around like a goof, soon my boys were jumping in. The power of music astounds me sometimes, turning on a song can completely change the atmosphere of where you are.

When you start to “go loco” what do you do to change your state of mind? Or do you even attempt to change it and instead do you ruminate there in your emotions?

Rocking out with the boys to the Ramones once Abba got home